I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
