party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
