just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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