Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
