I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize