idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
