There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
