You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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