Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
