you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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