Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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