I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize