i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
