New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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