rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize