Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
