So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
