We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize