why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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