nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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