why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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