please come you make the beer taste better
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
