I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
