Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
