Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
