I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
