No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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