Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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