She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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