You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think my moral compass just broke
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
