I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
