Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Every concussion has its silver lining
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
