its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I FOUND THE LEGS
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
