Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
