I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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