Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
