can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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