I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
