I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
