Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
