I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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