now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
