I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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