Already got asked if we're dating
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
