Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
