you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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