Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize