he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
lets start a swedish sibling band together
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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