There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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