It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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