I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
