I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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