The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
