Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
