if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
