I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
