You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
