Swine flu. Run for my life!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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