Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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