I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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