ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
