Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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