5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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