walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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