we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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