you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
