dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
