And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
