the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
