The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
