Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
