S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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