Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize