That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
