The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
