oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Found the puke drawer
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
