"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
