i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
