Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
