End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
