Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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