cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
