Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
