Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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