I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
