Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You can't special order awesome
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
