question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
