Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
