Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
