It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
