I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
