i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize