How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
What a dumb baby whore.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
