drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
