Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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