Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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