i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
