I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
