No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
