I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
