Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
