I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
