dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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