Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
