chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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