GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
