all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
