I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
