Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
