Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
