piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
