Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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